Lord Summervale: Welcome, ladies, gentleman, and gribblies from across the Olde World to today's Cabalvision IV coverage of the Princess Owayanna Healing Bottled Water Tournament qualifying round. We are deep in the Chaos Wastes as the Chaos Goat Herders take on the Skaven Cheez-Ballerz to advance to the semi-final round of the tournament.
Mad Johan: Both of these teams are new to the Deep North League- Southern Regional Conference. However, in Pre-season play the Goat Herders seemed like you standard Chaos psychopaths who preferred to smash face first and then let the scoring work itself out.
Lord Summervale: They played a pretty tough, bashy team in the Forever Jackals, but seemed to handle the undead players from Khemri with ease.
Mad Johan: Today's opponent is a very different style of play. As a skaven team they are fast and sneaky. However, they aren't afraid to play a little rough with a pair of Stormvermin blitzers. We have seen the Cheez-Ballerz not shy away from running it up the gut, and be successful at it.
Lord Summervale: The Cheez-baller captain King Chedda' has taken to the field to a chorus of boos and encouraging squeaks. Meanwhile, from the other dug-out comes the Goat Herders' captain Asquith Kneecapper.
The two teams exchange the customary pre-game handshake, but King Chedda' looks a little worse for wear after a vigorous shaking by Asquith. The ref flips the coin, and the Skaven win the toss. King Chedda' elects to receive the kick-off to try to put some points on the board.
Mad Johan: We saw a similar tactic from the other Skaven team in the tournament, Da' RatPackers. The strategy worked for them as they scored early and advanced to the semi-finals in a nail biter over the Ork Skulsmash reeverz.
Lord Summervale: The two teams line up for the kick. The Cheez-Ballerz have both Gutter Runnerz on the field and their back-up thrower Mild Chedda' is in the dug-out. The Goat Herders have a beastman runner, Payne ready in reserves.
Mad Johan: Unsurprisingly, the Cheez-Ballerz have the minimum number of players on the line. Both of their Blitzers are on the near side of the field. Meanwhile, the Goat Herders have stacked the line leaving only Todd Organgrinder and Gore back as safeties.
Lord Summervale: The kick is up..... Boom! King Chedda' scampers over and picks-up the ball. The line rats let out a squeal and put their backs into. They manage to push the line of scrimmage back, while the Blitzers bust a hole on the flanks. The Gutter Runners dash through the gap and make for the back field.
Mad Johan: You do not want those Gutter Runners loose in your back field. Now's the time to try and take them out!
Lord Summervale: Indeed, Gore comes up from his safety position and blitzes the lead Gutter Runner, but can not make solid contact with the slippery rat. Meanwhile, Winston Azhander lumbers through the line of scrimmage and towards King Chedda'
Mad Johan: He will never get there in time to stop the pass.
Lord Summervale: Meanwhile, the far side defenders have dropped back from the line to act as a deep defense.
Mad Johan: That really opens the field up for this little blighters.
Lord Summervale: King Chedda' steps up into the pocket created by his blitzers and dumps a quick pass to Rotten Rochefort who turns up field and turns on the speed.
Mad Johan: No one can catch him....
Lord Summervale: …. and just like that the Skaven have scored their first touch down. Wow, that was fast.
Both teams head back to the line and set-up for the kick. This time, the Goat Herders are going to get the ball. They look like they are ready to form a quick cage around the runner Grafitti. This time, the Skaven are playing deep, with the sides relatively clean.
Boom! There is the kick!
Mad Johan: The Goat Herders need to play ball control after seeing how fast the Cheez-ballerz scored.
Lord Summervale: Grafitti gets the ball and starts heading to the far side of the field. The Chaos cage quickly forms around him as they press to the line. The Goat Herders start pushing the Skaven back.
Mad Johan: A terrific block by Arson sends Swanky Swiss to the dug-out K.O.ed. Winston Azhander also pummels his man....err....rat.
Lord Summervale: The speedy Skaven blitzers close in on the Chaos cage. But, the leading chaos warriors are ready for them.
Mad Johan: Woah! Winston Azhander smashes through another rat at the line. He is a one man scrimmage line. Gore stuns his foe, and Murder sends Mild Chedda' to the K.O. Box too.
Lord Summervale: Not to be outdone, the Munster of the Midway and Horrible Havarti team-up to send Todd Organgrinder to the K.O. Box too. The cage is collapsing.
However, Grafitti steps up in the collapsing pocket and proves skaven are not the only ones who can throw! He tosses it to Hack in the back field who brings it down, tucks it and runs in for a touchdown!
Mad Johan: The Goat Herders were able to get penetration all across the Cheez-ballerz line and get runners behind the line of scrimmage. That touchdown was due to line play as much as passing.
Lord Summervale: The two teams line-up for the kick-off. This looks like it is going to be a shoot out. The Skaven set-up to try and overwhelm the far side of the Goat Herd line. Boom! The kick is up, and as it is up, the Goat Herders quickly re-arrange to foil the Skaven's plan.
Mad Johan: Perfect defense!
Lord Summervale: Maybe not. The Cheez-Ballerz manage to get some penetration at the line. King Chedda' collects the ball and begins to head up field. His Gutter Runners make for the gaps with a lineman blocker leading the way.
Mad Johan: That's smart play to protect his offensive weapons.
Lord Summervale: The Chaos team quickly responds and starts to seal off any gaps with brutal efficiency. Winston Azhander manages to penetrate into the back of the Cheez-Baller line and get in King Chedda's face.
Stinky Limburger gets into the backfield, and King Chedda' tries to air it out to him. It is a difficult throw, and Winston Azhander knocks it down loose on the Skaven side of the line.
Mad Johan: Azhander is a strong contender for MVP right now!
Lord Summervale: The Goat Herder line play is taking a toll as Brisbane Skullthumper takes Catastrophe Colby off the field and Winston Azhander does the same to King Chedda'! The bestaman Payne picks up the ball and starts heading for the endzone, but a pair of Cheez-ballerz manage to get back to try and slow him down.
Mad Johan: Finally, Murder manages to get his hands around the scrawny neck of Rotten Rochefort and take him out of the game. You have to eliminate the Gutter Runners as soon as possible.
Lord Summervale: The rest of the Cheez-ballerz seem to realize that the effort is lost and try to dodge away from the rampaging Chaos team. As the half winds down to a close, Murder runs it into the end zone for a Chaos Touchdown! That puts the Chaos Goat Herders up 2-1 at the half.
Mad Johan: 5 Cheez-Ballerz are out in the dug-out. You know what I say Summervale. If more than a quarter of your team is in the dug-out, you will have a hard time winning.
Lord Summervale: Indeed, let's see if the Cheez-ballerz can turn it around in the second half. Now, we will send you back to the Cabalvision IV studios for a half-time report and a word from our sponsors.
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Lord Summervale: Welcome back to live coverage of this qualifying match between the Chaos Goat Herders and the Skaven Cheez-Ballerz for the Princess Owayanna Healing Bottled Water Cup. The Goat Herders have the lead 2 -1 thanks to punishing play led by Winston Azhander and the Beastman Murder.
Mad Johan: The rate those two were going, they were planning on taking out the entire Cheez-Baller line up!
Lord Summervale: Indeed! It looks like Mild Chedda and another line rat have recovered enough to return to the game. On the Goat Herder side Todd Organgrinder is still out. The two teams line up for the kick-off as the Chaos team gets ready to receive.
Mad Johan: Based on how the two teams lined up, it looks like the Goat Herders plan on pounding it right up the center of the Skaven team. The Chaos team needs to maintain control of the ball through the second half as we know those Skaven can score faster than food through a goose.
Lord Summervale: Boom! The kick is up! Asquith Kneecapper puts Stinky Limburger right back into the K.O. Dug-out right off the line.
Mad Johan: I guess he wasn't quite ready to get back on the field yet.
Lord Summervale: Grafitti grabs the ball and starts heading towards the line. Mild Chedda' manages to sneak through the line of scrimmage. He and Catastrophe Colby rush Grafitti and smash him to the ground and send the ball loose deep in the Chaos backfield! However, it pops up and Arson the Beastman comes up with it for now.
Murder drops back and smashes Catastrophe Colby to the ground and sends him to the K.O. Box!
Mad Johan: At this rate, the Cheez-ballerz won't even have a team left by the end of the game.
Lord Summervale: Arson has plenty of room to run as there are very few Cheez-ballerz left to stop him. Mild Chedda' is doing all the work as he dodges away from Murder and chases down Arson, but he can't quite take him down.
Mad Johan: A big collision on the far side of the field between the Munster of the Midway and Payne, sends Payne off the field. A bit of payback for the Cheez-Ballerz!
Lord Summervale: The beastman Malice knocks Horrible Havarti away, leaving the path to the end zone clear for Arson. Which he hoofs it in for the score!
Mad Johan: That took up about half the time left on the clock. With what the Cheez-ballerz have left on the field, I doubt they can pull off the tie much less a win.
Lord Summervale: It will be tough for sure. However, it looks like King Chedda', Feta Fiend, and Stinky Limburger are back on the field. Payne is coming back out for the kick-off too.
Mad Johan: The Goat Herders are going with a double deep line across the board to try and keep the Cheez-ballerz out of the back field.
Lord Summervale: The Cheez-Ballerz are missing Rotten Rocheforte right now as they line up.
Here's the kick! Boom! The skaven get a jump on the play due to a quick snap. Horrible Havarti snags the kick from the air and gets ready to run.
Pepper Jack and Feta Fiend spring the near side open and Horrible Havarti dashes along the sideline. Here comes Violence the Beastman from the safety position, he has zeroed in on Horrible Havarti. He easily pushes the speedy Gutter Runner towards the crowd, but does not knock him down!
Horrible Havarti tries to dodge by Violence, but the beastman manages to trip him up and the ball goes loose.
Mad Johan: It looks like that is that for the Cheez-ballerz hopes in the tournament.
Lord Summervale: Violence fails to pick-up the ball. The Cheez-ballerz try to scramble and push their way through the line of scrimmage to get the ball, but will not make it. Horrible Havarti reaches for it, but Violence keeps him back.
The clock winds down to the end, and no one has possession of the ball as the two teams jostle and push each other. It takes a few moments for the teams to realize the game is over. The Skaven slink back to their dug-out, while the Chaos fans begin to roar their frenzied chants to their dark gods.
Mad Johan: The Chaos fans got their gate admissions worth today! The Chaos Goat herders advance to the Semi-final round to face the Dwarf Rock-N-Rollers.
Lord Summervale: Our sideline grots are reporting that Rotten Rochefort is badly hurt, but the Clan Skyre and Clan Moulder physician team assures me that he will be ready to play in their next game no matter what.
Mad Johan: Good to hear I guess. Today's MVP for the Cheez-Ballerz is Stinky Limburger. He was taken out by K.O. Twice, but still someone found a way to get back into the game and help his depleted team. The game ended with him still playing! That is the kind of tenacity a team like the Cheez-Ballerz needs.
For the Goat Herderz, it was a tougher call. For the first half, Winston Azhander was a one warrior army! However, he was much quieter in the second half of the game. Meanwhile, our MVP managed to score 1 Touch Down and by my count 3 Casualties. The Chaos MVP is the beastman Murder!
Lord Summervale: Well, that wraps up today's qualifying match for the Princess Owayanna Healing Bottled Water Cup between the Skaven Cheez-ballerz and the Chaos Goat Herders. The Goat Herders move to the next round with a 3-1 victory over their opponents.
Thanks to Guillotine Razors, the best a human can get; for their additional support for this program. We now return you to the Cabalvision IV studios. See you for the Semi-finals!