Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Blood Bowl: Match Report- Humans v. Orks Exhibition

This is a first attempt at a Blood Bowl match report.  I wanted it to read like a Cabalvision Broadcast of a game on the radio or television.  Let me know if you like this format or would prefer another.  

I have been playing Blood Bowl for a long time, and got the new edition when it came out.  You can read my review here.  Since then, my daughter has been learning to play using the boxset.  We have managed to play a handful of halfs and games here and there.  However, this was our first attempt to document a full game.  

For this exhibition game, we stuck to the models in the box.  In addition, we decided to not use Fame or Team Re-rolls.  Just straight skill re-rolls only.  This is a standa alone game.  My daughter took the Ork team, and I took the coaching role for the Humans.    

Enough talk!  Let's play some Blood Bowl.   

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Blood Bowl Exhibition: Deep North League- Southern Regional Conference

Lord Summervale: Welcome ladies, gentleman, peasants, and beasts to Cabalvision IV’s regional coverage of the Deep North- Southern Regional Blood Bowl Conference. After the break-up of the NAF, small local leagues like this have been popping up across the Old World. Today’s coverage is a hyper-local affair and we at Cabalvision IV are glad to bring you coverage of the game no matter how insignificant it is! 

I, Lord Summervale, will be today’s announcer. I am joined at Citadel Arena in the booth with my faithful comrades Mad Johan for commentary, and thrower for the Rat Packers Favre Da’ Cheesemonger.

Mad Johan: Great to be here today Summervale, no matter where here is. It looks to be perfect weather for Blood Bowl. 

Favre: Squeak, squeak.

Summervale: Today is an exhibition match…

Mad Johan: So even less important than usual.

Summervale:… between the Nottingham Nobles human team and the Skullsmash Reeverz ork team. It is great to be here at the Nottingham Nobles new turf that their fans affectionately call the Citadel.

With that, let’s take look at our starting line-ups for today’s match.

The Nottingham Nobles will be….

….led by their starting Thrower Rick Priestley. 

Mad Johan: Rick is apparently also a major player in the formation of the Nobles team. 

Summervale: He will be accompanied on the pitch by two Blitzers: Matt Ward and Jervis Johnson. In addition, the Nobles are fielding two Catchers; Alessio Cavatorre and Gav Thorpe. Then the rest of the line-up is made up of their trusty team of lineman. 

Mad Johan: No point in namin’ them till they do something useful.

Summervale: Right oh old chum. Onto the Skullsmash Reeverz. They will be led by their infamous team Kaptin Grimgrod Rotgut as the Thrower. He will be accompanied by 2 blitzers; Ruk Ruk and Gobsmacka. In the line-up are also a pair of Black Ork Blockers, Da’ Big Smacka and Bad Ammer. The rest of the line-up is filled up with line orks. 

Mad Johan: I have never heard of any of these guys. What league are we in again?

Favre: Squeak, Squeak. 

Summervale: With that, since these are new expansion teams in an exhibition match each team is relatively new to the game. They have elected to play an open and fair game of Blood Bowl with no Team re-rolls in place. 

Mad Johan: A team what?

Summervale: Both teams will be using the bog standard rules for Blood Bowl found in Nuffle’s main handbook. Nothing fancy here. 

Mad Johan: Let’s get on with it then! 

Favre: Squeak, squeak. 

Summervale: After the coin toss, the Skullsmash Reeverz have elected to kick to the Nobles. Both teams take to the pitch and get ready to play. The Orks are unsubtle and stack the line, while the Humans play a bit back with most of their team. 

Mad Johan: Are you ready for some Blood Bowl!?!


Summervale: The kick-off is up and lands straight in the hands of the Nobles catcher Gav Thorpe (#4)! The nobles advance with a blitz by Mat Ward (#2) assisted by a trusty Lineman. However, Ruk Ruk (#2) stands Mat up, and no progress is made. 

Mad Johan: Blitzer on blitzer means no one can get the skill advantage. 

Summervale: On the other side of the line, Jervis Johnson (#3) and a Lineman manage knock down Da’ Big Smacka (#5). 

Mad Johan: What a great assist by Jervis!

Summervale: The Nobles begin to get some penetration at the line, but a missed block sends an ork and human to the ground. From there the Skullsmash Reeverz start flooding across the line of scrimmage in a gap. Bad Ammer (#4) leads the way and gets in Thorpe’s face! A Nobles lineman tries to knock Bad Ammer aside with Thorpe’s help, but only succeeds in landing on his own face. 

Mad Johan: That is going be in tomorrow’s highlight reels, what a flop! 

Summervale: Bad Ammer smashes Thorpe into the turf and the ball goes shooting out onto the field. Priestley scrambles over and tries to grab the ball, he has it for a few moments before he is tripped up by Bad Ammer and falls to the turf the ball shooting free near the sidelines. 

Ruk Ruk pushes a Noble into the frenzied crowd to clear the lane. An Ork lineman (#9) scuttles forward, scoops up the ball and makes for the end zone. His fellow Skullsmash Reeverz stream behind him. It does not look good for the Nobles. Plus, Gobsmacka puts a punishing hit on Alessio.
Mad Johan: He will feel that in the morning! 

Summervale: Priestley desperately blitzes the line ork, and the two crash down in a tumble. However, the line orks (#9) stiff arm sneds Priestley to the dug-out Knocked Out. However, the ball bounces loose again! This time, the Ork Blitzer Ruk Ruk (#2) scoops up the ball and goes for the end zone, his fellow Orks clear a path and no Nobles are in position to stop the Ork blitzer. 

Thorpe tries to get close to Ruk Ruk but can only slow him down. Alessio tries to break away from Gobsmacka, but is sent to the dug-out unconscious for his troubles.

Ruk Ruk steam rollers Thorpe and waltzs into the end zone for the score! Skullsmash Reeverz are up one! 

Mad Johan: What a debacle for the Nobles. One missed assignment early in the half by the Nobles led to this Ork drive. That entire drive by the Reeverz made the Nobles look like a bunch of expansion league amateurs.

Favre: Squeak? 

Mad Johan: I guess they are expansion league amateurs aren’t they? 

Summervale: The Nobles positional players look like they are staying in the Dug-out as they set-up for the kick-off. However, the back-up Thrower Andy Chambers (#12) is get onto the pitch. 

Mad Johan: Without their catchers, it will be hard to have a quick score before the half. 

Summervale: The Skullsmash Reeverz look to have the advantage in manpower, as the Humans set-up to receive. The Orks look like they are planning on stacking the box again. 

Mad Johan: It worked last time so why stop? 

Sumervale: The Orks start smashing through the Human line as the Nobles start to set-up a cage around Chmabers with the ball. Big Smacka lands a brutal block on a Noble Lineman. The clock is winding down for the half, and the Nobles do not look like they have anywhere to go. 
Mad Johan: Wow, did you see that pass! That is one of the longest completions I have ever seen!


Summervale: Chambers (#12) has managed to connect with Ward (#2) deep in ork territory! What a pass! But it doesn’t look like enough to make it to the endzone before the half is over. Ward manages to stiff arm a Line Ork to the ground but the Half ends with the Nobles outside of the Endzone.

Mad Johan: To win, the Nobles will have to score more touchdowns than the Orks. 

Favre: Squeak? 

Summervale: This brings us to half time, and word from our sponsors.

***** ***** *****

Summervale: Welcome back to the second half of our Deep North- Southern Conference Exhibition Blood Bowl game between the Nottingham Nobles and the Ork Skullsmash Reeverz. The Orks are up 1-0 after the first half. 

Mad Johan: The Nobles are going to need to play much better than we saw in the first half if they want any chance at winning. 

Favre: Squeak, Squeak, squeak.

Mad Johan: That’s right Favre. The Nobles will need to force the ball out early since the Reeverz are going to be receiving this half. 

Summervale: Well there is still a lot of Blood Bowl left to play. Interestingly, the Nobles Thrower Preistley is still out of the game, and Chambers is in. In addition, the Orks are going with two throwers as Runthugga (#12) is in the back field. 

Mad Johan: I expect they will want to play a game of ball control, but with two throwers we they might be going for a dagger strike to finish the match. 

Summervale: Maybe a literal dagger strike! The Nobles have kicked it off! Runthugga (#12) bobbles it a bit but manages to pick up the ball. He approaches the line and Grimgrod Rotgut and Gobsmacka join him. Two line orks try to blitz the edge of the Noble line, but Ward (#2) manages to block his opponent down! 

Mad Johan: This looks like a repeat of what happened to the Nobles, but to the Reeverz! 

Summervale: Well the momentum for the Nobles shifted fast as Jervis Johnson is flattened in his blitz attempt by a Line ork (#9) and sent to the dug-out unconscious! 

Mad Johan: That was unexpected. 

Favre: Squeak.

Summervale: The Orks start to do their thing and begin to pound through the Nobles line. Ruk Ruk smashes a human lineman into the dug-out unconscious.

Mad Johan: That is what Blood Bowl is all about. The Nobles might not have enough players left at the end of the game to keep playing!

Summervale: The Orks look like they are going to flood the Nobles flank again. However, the Nobles are putting up some fight. Runthugga puts on some moves to avoid Ward scrambles behind the line, and finds Lineork (#9) deep in Ork territory! 
Mad Johan: Alessio Cavatorre narrowly missed a pick on that one. 

Favre: Squeak. 

Summervale: Thorpe and Cavatore drop back and try to gang tackle the Lineork, but fail miserably. 

Mad Johan: That is not what Catchers are good at. 

Summervale: Lineork #9 walks into the end zone to score the Orks their second touch down. 

Mad Johan: This leaves the Nobles in a tight spot, they may not have the skill to score two quick touchdowns with the time remaining. 

Summervale: Preistley is back on the pitch as Chambers takes to the dug-out. However, the rest of the team is back on the field. The Reeverz are set-up in a different defensive formation, and the Humans are spread out wide as well. And the Reeverz kick it off.
Mad Johan: The Catchers are going deep. That is what it takes to win!

Summervale: Ruk Ruk knocks down Cavatorre, while Rotgut and Bobsmacka cover Thorpe. Big Smacka tries to rush the passer, but stumbles on the way and falls. There is a lot of jostling for position on the line…

Mad Johan: The clock is ticking for the Nobles, they need to score fast! 

Summervale: Preistley easily bypasses the rushing Black Orc and steps up. He makes a long pass to Thorpe who catches it despite being covered by Gobsmacka. He makes a move and dodges away and easily runs into the endzone for a Nobles touchdown! 

Mad Johan: Now comes the hard part, getting the ball back and scoring again! 

Summervale: The two teams come back out for the kick-off. They both load the line. Runthugga is back in. It barely gets behind the line of scrimmage. Gibsmacka runs up and retrieves the ball. His Orks smash the Human line down, but the collision between the Human Lineman and Big Ammer causes the Black Ork to leave the game. 

The Human Blitzer Mat Ward rushes Gobsmacka, but can’t get there. The Ork line keeps smashing and pushing its way slowly forward, and Gobsmacka tries to carry the ball around the edge. However, he stumbles and fumbles the ball! 

Mad Johan: This could be the Nobles chance!

Favre: Squeak, Squeak!

Summervale: Priestley scrambles over and picks up the ball. He connects with Thorpe, and he tries to stretch the field. He is half-way to the end zone….. 
Mad Johan: … and that is the game! Time has run out for the second half! 

Favre: Squeak, squeak! 

Mad Johan: Agreed, what an exciting close to the game. I have a feeling there is a growing rivalry between these two teams. 

Summervale: That’s the game folks. The Skullsmash Reeverz have defeated the Nottingham Nobles 2 -1. What a hard fought exhibition game. We at Cabalvision IV would like to thank you for joining us today. See you next time for more exciting Blood Bowl action from the Deep North- Southern Conference. 


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