Monday, February 15, 2021

Match Report: Blood Bowl- Lizardmen vs Orks


This year, to honor the Super Bowl my daughter and I sat down and played a game of Blood Bowl.  She prefers to play using the video game version as it does most of the work for you!  However, this time I insisted on using the miniatures I had painted up.  She relented since it was for the Super Bowl and because it had been over a year since we played with the Minis.  It had been so long, this was the first time the Lustria Revenge (Lizardmen) actually touched the pitch!  In addition, I used one of the alternate game boards, this time the "winter" themed board.  

Enough prelude, let's get to the Blood Bowl action.  I did not document every part of the game, so this might be a bit different than other match reports I have written.  

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Lord Summervale: Welcome to the Bludweiser Blood Bowl championship weekend events!  In addition to the "big game", this entire Blood Bowl weekend has skills competitions, exhibition games, and star players meet-and-greets.  It is the perfect way to Praise Nuffle and celebrate the institution that is Blood Bowl.  

You can tune into the big Blood Bowl Cup game tomorrow evening on CabalVision.  Today, on Cabalvision IV we will be highligthing some of the other events surrounding the Cup game.  Each conference and Division has sent some of their teams to put on a show for the fans gathering here in Altdorf for the Blood Bowl Cup game.   

Right now, we will be following the action of the Deep North- Southern Division exhibition teams, the Ork Skulsmash Reeverz led by their team captain Grimgrod Rotgut versus the .... umm....... <Shuffles Papers>.... Lustria's Revenge?  Led by...... ah....... <Long Pause> 

Anyway, as always I am joined in the Cabalvision IV booth with my colleague and great Blood Bowl mind, Mad Johan.  

Mad Johan: As always, great to be here with you again Lord Summervale.  The Southern Conference of the Deep North League has gone through a bit of a drought as plague, famine, war, and poverty has swept the region.  This has made it a challenging season for Blood Bowl.  However, where there is a will to play, Nuffle will provide!  Today is a great example of that! 

Lord Summervale: Obviously, the Skulsmash Reeverz have been one of the backbone teams of the Deep North League- Southern Conference.  We know what to expect from them....

Mad Johan: That's right.  They are not a finesse team.  They are going to bring the pain.  Their usual play style involves attrition and lot's of it.  You know what I always say Summervale.....

Lord Summervale and Mad Johan (In Unison): It is hard to win the game, when half your team is in the dug-out! 

Lord Summervale: So, what do we know about this new team, the Lustria's Revenge?  

Mad Johan: Never heard of them.  Probably just a bunch of stringer nobodies for the Skulsmsh Reeverz to beat up on.  

Lord Summervale: Oh.... ahhh...... okay then.  Let's get to the action!  The Lustria's Revenge is a team of Lizardmen apparently.  They win the toss, and choose to kick it to the Reeverz.  The Reeverz have their Back-up thrower in reserve, while the Revenge have placed some tiny lizardman with googly eyes in reserve.  Johan, can you make out who it is?  

Mad Johan: I see his number, but..... ah..... I have no idea how to pronounce that....... Let's just call him googly-eyed-little-guy-in-dugout?

Lord Summervale: Ok, but there is another one on the field.  Shouldn't we let the folks at home know who it is?  

Mad Johan: That's easy.  He's Googly-eyed-little-guy-on-the-field.  Easy!

Lord Summervale: You are indeed a great Blood Bowl mind.  With that, the kick is up!  It lands in the backfield and Rotgut scoops it up and the Orks go to work.  

Mad Johan: Do they ever.  The front line is working the line of scrimmage, but those big, scaly lizards are not push overs!  However, the Reeverz are using good team work.  

Boom!  The first of those big scalies goes down on the near side!  I think he's...... dead?  Our sideline Grot will need to confirm.  

That leaves a big hole on the Near side, and the Orks look like they intend to exploit it as Gobsmacka the Blitza leads the way.  

Lord Summervale: The Revenge do not look ready to fold up yet as they re-adjust to stop the Ork advance.  Smaller lizardmen and the big-scalies try to shift over and fill the gap.  

Lord Summervale: Gobsmacka lives up to his name and delivers a powerful hit to one of the smaller lizardmen. 

Mad Johan: The way he went down, that did not look good.  The Reeverz fans are loving it though! 

Lord Summervale:  The googly-eyed-little-guy-on-the-field and a fellow little guy get back behind and keep harassing Rotgut in the backfield.  Not enough to down him, but enough to slow his forward progress.  The ork Captain pump fakes to throw them off, but they stay with him 

Mad Johan: Not for long!  A pair of Ork Lineman show up and clear the area!  Boom!  More crushing hits from the Orks.   

Lord Summervale: This just in from our sideline Grot...... those last three big hits were all lethal Johan! 

Mad Johan: Lethal!  Wow, the Skulsmash Reeverz are bringing the pain today!

Lord Sumervale: Indeed, the Orks have managed to grind down the clock with ball control, and Rotgut is making a last sprint to the goal line.  However, a pair of small lizard safeties spring across the field and tanlge him up before he can get.  He goes down and the ball goes loose! 

Mad Johan: A tough break for the Reeverz. 

Lord Summervale: With that, time expires in the first half.  We will send you back to Cabalvision IV Blood Bowl desk for updates around the league on this Bludweiser Blood Bowl Cup weekend!  

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Lord Summervale: Welcome back to the Bludweiser Blood Bowl Cup Weekend exhibition game for the Deep North League- Southern Conference between the Ork Skulsmash Reeverz and the Lizardmen of Lustria's Revenge.  The score is currently 0-0. 

Today's game is sponsored by the Lustria Tourism Commission and the Princess Owayonna Healing Spring Bottled Water.  Remember, "If you can't drink the water, drink Princess Owayonna's!"  

 Mad Johan: The Skulsmash Reeverz did what they needed to do in the first half.  They grinded the Revenge down by three players!  That makes it tough for them to mount a credible offense in this half.

Lord Summervale: Indeed, and the Revenge get the ball first.  

Mad Johan: Despite not scoring, the Reeverz have to feel confident going into this half. 

Lord Summervale: Both teams set up for the kick, with the Revenge putting their big Scalies up front and  their smaller guys in back to receive.  However, they only have three players on the line.  It looks like the Orks are planning to flood the edges with their Blitzers as they line up in the wings.  

With that, the kick goes up and the little lizards in the back quickly scamper over and scoop up the short kick.  

Mad Johan: Right away that Ork chainsaw line goes to work..... just to be clear.... I mean Chainsaw metaphorically in this case..... no one has pulled out an actual chainsaw.....

Lord Summervale: Much to the fans dismay!  The Lizards form a small cage and try to break across the line on the near side, but the orks are there to stop them.  

Mad Johan: The cage just melted under the Ork assault.  In fact, two of Lizards are in bad positions now by the sidelines.  

Lord Summervale: Indeed, the ball carrier shifts and moves between two of the Big Scalies in the center for protection.  

Mad Johan: It is a wise move as Boom!  Two more Revenge players are sent to the dug-out with sideline hits! 

Lord Summervale: Googly-eyed-little-guy manages to scamper through the Ork lines, dodging the Reeverz grasping hands.  This puts him in the back field.  His team mate sees him loose, and dumps him the ball from the line.  

Mad Johan: Slippery.  However, it isn't enough as Rotgut plays safety and rushes over and knocks the ball loose.  

Lord Summervale: A second little lizard rushes out to try and recover the ball, but fails spectacularly!  The Revenge were a few steps short of scoring on that drive.  

Mad Johan: A few steps short still loses you the game.  

Lord Summervale: The Reeverz pick it up.  The Revenge line is in tough shape.  The biggest threat to the Reeverz scoring drive is now the clock.     

The orks have whittled down and out positioned the Revenge so Gobsmacka easily runs to the backfield.  Rotgut moves up to the line, and sees him open.  He throws a strike that the Ork easily hauls in.  


Lord Summervale: No one is around to stop him, and he dances into the end zone for the go ahead score.  There are only a few minutes left on the clock and the two teams quickly set-up for a kick-off. 

Mad Johan: The revenge doesn't have much to set-up with.....

Lord Summervale: Indeed.  The kick is up, and drops into the Lizardman back field. 

Mad Johan: There is some confusion on the line, and one of the few players left on the Revenge, goes down in a pile.  Ouch! 

Lord Summervale: Before the Revenge can even scoop up the ball, time expires.  Another game of Blood Bowl hits the books.  Johan, what were the keys to this game and who was the MVPs?  

Mad Johan: Well, the Skulsmash Reeverz executed their game plan flawlessly.  Use attrition to wear down their opponent.  They had great success, even managing to take out a few of the big fellas from the Revenge line!  Once there was no one left to oppose them, it was a cake walk in.  

The MVP has to be the team Captain Grimgrod Rotgut as he moved the ball deep in the first half, played safety to stop the score, and used his arm to get the ball to the open man for the winning touch down.  

On the Revenge side...... I don't know.  Maybe the googly-eyed-little-guy that managed to get deep penetration to at least threaten a touchdown?  Honestly, they lost.  Who cares about their MVP?  

Lord Summervale:  There we have it folks.  The Skulsmash Reeverz defeat the Lustria's Revenge in the Bludweiser Blood Bowl Cup Weekend exhibition play for the <gasps for air> Deep North League- Southern Conference Exhibition Invitational. <Starts panting for breath> 

Mads Johan: We will send you back to the Cabalvision IV study for more great Blood Bowl coverage.  Until next time! 

Summervale, are you okay?  You are looking a bit paler than usual?  

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