My daughter and I had some time and decided to play TotalCARnage! We grabbed a few of her old Hot Wheels cars straight from the box, some of my badlands terrain, and quickly decided on our forces. We played on a relatively small table at 4 feet long by 2 feet wide. Therefore, we decided to just play a standard Kill’em All style scenario to get started.
The Forces
Purple People Eaters
They are a fierce cannibal warband driving purple cars.
Standard Vehicle (Flames)
Machine Gun
Hits: 5
45 Points
Standard Vehicle (Classic Car)
Cannon
Hits: 5
35 Points
Total= 80 Points
Truk Police
A band of wasteland do-gooders in trucks
Standard Vehicle (Green)
Cannon
Hits: 5
35 Points
Heavy Vehicle (Black)
Cannon
Hits: 6
45 Points
Set-up and
Mission- Kill’em All!
The Truk Police took up position closer to the rock
spire, but they were ready to move to the center of the board. The Purple People Eaters were on the opposite
side of the wastelands flanking a dune.
They also looked like they were heading to the center of the board.
This is a simple Kill’em All scenario. The side that ends the game with operational
vehicles is the winner.
Turn 1:
The two sides move cautiously towards the middle. However, the Purple People Eater (PPE) with
the flames decides to pivot and skirts dangerously near the edge of the
board. No one bothered with any shooting
yet as the jockey for position.
Turn 2:
The Flames PPE moves forward and decides to fire a burst
of machine guns at the Green Truck. However,
the shots fall short.
The Green Truck rushes forward and has a head-to-head
collision with the other PPE car! Both
cars are reduced by 3 hits down to 2 each.
Plus, the PPE car bounced back from the collision. The Truck also blasts the PPE with his cannon
at close range, reducing it to 1 hit!
The old PPE car fires back at close range, but
misses! He then pivots and scoots away
from the green truck.
The other truck cruises safely across the center of the
table with no shooting, ramming, or colliding.
Turn 3:
The Flaming PPE pivots and moves up close to the Black
Truck and machine guns it at close range, hitting it twice! It now has 4 hits left.
The Black truck pivots to go after the nearly destroyed
old PPE and rushes in. However, he
accidentally rear rams his friend.
Woops! This takes the green truck
to less than 5 hits and immobilized him, and reduces the Black Truck to 2
Hits! All is not lost as a cannon shot
takes out the last hit from the Old PPE car too.
Only the Black Truck and the Flames Purple People Eater
are left in the game now!
The two remaining vehicles simply maneuver this
turn. The black Truck tries to slowly
extricate himself from the mass of immobilized vehicles while the Flames PPE
turns away from the combat to get some distance.
Turn 5:
Both vehicles look to be moving to go around the far sand
dune, but neither has the right angle for shooting or ramming yet.
Turn 6:
More driving around.
This time the Flames PPE actually goes backwards! The Black Truck tries to make a sharp turn,
but is too slow.
Turn 7:
The Flames PPE manages to finally get a long distance
shooting angle and opens fire with his machine gun. He manages to snag the Black Truck twice, and
even cause him to shift a bit. The Black
Truck is now down to 1 Hit left!
Turn 8:
The Flames PPE moves to get the sand dune between him and
the Black Truck. The Black Truck decides
to try some fancy driving and aggressively hits reverse to get a firing
angle However, his aggressive driving is
too much as he accidentally backs into a rock outcropping and immobilizes
himself!
Conclusion:
The Purple People
Eaters win this round! The Truck Police
manage to stay in their immobilized vehicles and fend off the cannibals while
they tow their other car away. It is a
long walk for the Truck Police as they head back to their home settlement.
Re-match!
Set-up and
Mission- Get the MacGuffin!
The Forces for this mission are the same as the Kill’em
All!
A package of rations was set-up in the center of the
board between two sand dunes. The Purple
People Eaters set-up with the Old Car ready to race forward to get the rations
and the Flames car ready to provide covering fire with the machine gun. The Truck Police were set-up similarly on the
opposite side with the heavy going for the rations. Truck Police are the attackers.
In this scenario, a car must stop next to it for an
activation, and then get it off the board. Should be fun!
Turn 1:
The two sides move towards the rations.
Turn 2:
The two sides race forward and the lead starts
flying! The Green Truck misses the Old
Car. Meanwhile, the Flames PPE moves up
and spray lead at the Black Truck and misses.
The Black Truck rushes up and starts collecting the rations.
Turn 3:
The Old Car blasts the Green Truck with a powerful cannon
shot that sends the truck bouncing back.
However, it comes hurtling back into the fight and returns the favor on
the Old PPE. Both cars are down to 4
hits.
The Flames PPE moves backwards and unloads its
machine-gun at the Black Truck, and manages to ping it twice. It is now down to 4 hits. However, it also has the MacGuffin now!
Turn 4:
The Old Car reverses to try and defend the board edge and
set-up for a potential side ram on a fleeing Black Truck. Instead, the Black Truck turns towards the
Old Car and tries to muscle past but ends up ramming them head-to-head. Woops!
Both vehicles are reduced to 1 hit and are bounced around form the
impact.
Turn 5:
The Old Car for the PPE backs up and unloads a cannon
shell into the Black Truck and immobilizes them. So much for having the MacGuffin.
The Green Truck backs-up to try and get to the MacGuffin itself
and help his comrade. In his crazy
reverse driving he manages to put a shell into the Flames PPE.
As the flames car moves to the objective, he lets rip
with his machine-gun on the Green Truck but only hits him once.
Turn 6:
The Cannibals in the Old Car roll-up and swarm over the
Black Truck. They hoot and holler as
they try to steal the MacGuffin.
The Green Truck backs-up recklessly and collides with a
dune, but a cannon shot again manages to hit the Flames Purple People Eater
car. Both cars are now at 3 Hits with
the Old Car at 1.
Turn 7:
The Green Truck races forward to contest the MacGuffin
from the PPE. However, the Flames car
drives up and machine guns the Green Truck into scrap at close range.
Conclusion:
The Purple People
Eaters rip the rations from the back of the Black Truck in triumph. They hoot, holler, and threaten the Truck Police
in their immobilized vehicles before loading back up into their damaged cars
and cruising away for a feast!
Final Thoughts
This game was good fun!
It was dead simple to set-up, play, and take down. The entire process took less than 60 minutes
for two games. The longest part was
choosing the forces and setting up terrain.
The Machine Gun was the star of the show in these games,
as it managed to chew through the Heavy vehicles armor pretty well. Long range shots were not easy to pull off,
often missing. Crazy, aggressive driving
was often rewarded with crashes and collisions as well.
It will take some time getting used to the way the game
plays as you have to be cautious about when to fully commit your forces versus
when they need to skulk around and maneuver for shots. It was also surprisingly hard to set-up a ram
that was not head-to-head!
Overall, a fun time was had by all. If you are interested in trying it yourself,
you can pick-up these rules for yourself here: http://www.wargamevault.com/product/208982/Total-CARnage
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